So this movie… I have so much to say about it. First off there are many themes to this movie and it’s a true story, about the real life events of Emily V. Gordon and Kumail Nanjiani. Emily was a grad student pursuing a psychology career and Kumail is a real life comedian. Kumail is the only one who plays himself in the movie. The movie touches on, relationship timing, illness in relationships, life, family, culture, and tradition.
The subject that really resonated with me was illness in relationships. Now in this story Emily broke up with Kumail because he was not honest about the fact that his family didn’t know about Emily and that his parents were arranging marriages for him and constantly trying to place him with the perfect Muslim, Pakistani woman. And Emily falls ill a few weeks after with a mystery disease. She was placed in a coma until the doctors were certain they could save her. Faced with the prospect of losing Emily forever, he stuck around, helped her parents, and even eventually gave information about an injury that she complained about, which led to her diagnosis. When she awoke she was still angry at him. All he wanted was her and she despised him. But she was dealing with her own mortality, she had to start over with life, and relearn everything. She wasn’t in the same place as him. Eventually she realized how much he loved her. But this entire part of the movie speaks to giving autoimmune disease patients the space to deal with their own feelings. Letting them figure it out, trusting that they are fighters, and when they are ready for you they will come to you. Also, people are always going through their own internal battles and I think it took Emily almost dying for her to realize that Kumail was doing his best at the time. But it was so refreshing to see a man saying, I almost lost this woman, I better hang on, not what most me do which is to be self centered and think about all the things that will be lost on them if they stay. I know in my situation it always seemed like he was more concerned about the impact my illness had on him and was not very concerned about my well being. This kind of selfishness has no room in a functional relationship with a spoonie. You can tell that Kumail realized that he fucked up and he really just wanted to not lose her. Kumail and Emily are awesome. I know people with autoimmune diseases who have great partners, partners that take care of them, partners that don’t try to understand but try to make you feel loved. How about when you love someone so deeply that you don’t push them away because YOU can’t bare to see them deteriorate.
What about me? I’m living it. It’s much worse for me to live it than it is for you to watch it.
Anyway, it was a great movie. It made me laugh, cry, and it helped me realize that there is someone awesome out there for me, who will love me, support me, and let me do the same for them.